i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
