But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
