i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
