Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
