Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
