okay pat passed out under dana's car
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
