I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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