Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize