now i know why i became what i already was.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
