i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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