Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Come share oat with me in your robe
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
