is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ladies don't puke and tell
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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