I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
