...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize