sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
