So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
