Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
