literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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