You're a womanizer and a bitch.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
