Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
