HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
