..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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