he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
