I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
