So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
