I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
