i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
