Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
