first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
If that was your dad, he is hot
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
