Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
