apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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