Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
