4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My feet surprised me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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