Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
