Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
