I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
