I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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