Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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