im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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