I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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