can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
