Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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