guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
