That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I believe in your delicious
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
