her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
