fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
