dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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