she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
that is very illegal...i love you.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
