I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
