New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
