I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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