we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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