My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
