Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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