Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
