This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
