i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
