what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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