So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
