need another drink. this is the easiest way
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
