Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
