At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
