ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
