I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize