I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
