when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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