All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
thus making me awesome and them whores
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
