Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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