What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
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