I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
