I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
