This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
