He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
