Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
