you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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