k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
