There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
