the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I AM VODKA MAN
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
