I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
