Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
