Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
