He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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