508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
