I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
