OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Don't tell me you're on acid again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
