His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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